News from Renee Heidtman
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Dear Friends, More and more I see the beauty in our lives, the beauty of the simplicity and chaos in each day. It makes me wonder how I ever gave a single moment in my life so much meaning and in contrast, how I couldn't have possibly swallowed the juiciness of those moments whole. I see the playful abandon that we live with and also feel the security, gravity, and connectedness that are our survival. I have no doubt that I would not see the magic or illusion so clearly had it not been for experiencing a life threatening illness. For that understanding I am blessed. I am so grateful to have the life I have. Even though sometimes I feel pain, I know that our pain is what brings us back to community and the weight of it all somehow brings us together to uncover and remember our joy. Laughter and tears are some of the best feelings that I have felt in life and even better is to have them at the same time. I hope that I can help my friends to do both. I know that being my friend has its trials because in my situation, my human drama seems extreme and some of you have been on the edge of your seats. I also know that I am not the sun and life will carry on despite how my story continues. Regardless, I surrender to our human experience and I trust that I am being led to the exact moments that will make me feel the most whole, just as you are now. About 4 weeks ago, I received a phone call from my doctor informing me that I had metastasis in my brain. I had to stop her after she announced that I had over 50 tumor sites throughout the peripheral sections of my brain. I didn't know quite what to think since I really had no symptoms except for a slight tingling sensation in my upper lip. I was getting ready to leave for Colorado to go rock climbing for 6 days and now I had even more reason to take the reigns of life and to ask to keep going. I went rock climbing with First Descents, a group organization that leads cancer survivors on adventures. I had one of the most enriching experiences of my life. Following, I sought treatment and endured 2 weeks of whole brain radiation. Now, I am continuing on with chemotherapy treatments. Previously, my doctors and I were elated to know that chemotherapy had resolved the tumors in my lungs and liver and had been beautifully healing my breast. We are still confident that I will pull through this and continue a healthy and happy life. I feel more alive every day. I want to say thank you to everyone in my family, close friendships, and at The Mindful Body who have helped me through radiation and who continue to help me through the dark times. When I feel sick and fatigued it is a comfort to know that you are there. Its difficult to predict how I will feel from day to day, but I am grateful to continue through the grandness of our life process. I have approximately 2-3 months of treatments left before I continue on with maintenance care. Please continue to pray, meditate, visit, and send your contributions when you can. Please comfort my family and pray for our strength and comfort. Please continue to take in each day like it was your first and also your last. I love you all and wish you a beautiful summer season. In health, Renee Donations can be received: www.gofundme.com/Renees-Cancer-Treatment Center for Peaceful Healing: The things that are of most need for me at this time are prepared foods, groceries and supplement items, Whole Foods Gift Cards, or cash donations to help with expenses. If you are interested in volunteering your time to raise money for Center for Peaceful Healing, American Cancer Society's Relay for Life on July 30-31st, First Descents, or for Shanti Lifelines Breast Cancer organization please contact me directly. Thank you so much! www.centerforpeacefulhealing.org
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